Holland's Story

I was pushed back and about to fall, but The Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation.                                                                     Psalm 118:13-14

   I met Holland in January of 2012 while doing my preceptorship in MICU at Baptist South. Such a gorgeous girl with the prettiest eyelashes, a very outgoing personality & super bright lipstick! I started working in MICU in May of 2012 & we quickly became friends. We had a lot in common...we were about the same age, we were both getting married that year and we were both 'girly,' often talking about our newest hairdo, nail polish or makeup. Jean, our unit clerk, calls us the 'beauty queens in the unit,' and she doesn't mean that in a nice way. I think she thinks we missed our casting call on the movie 'Mean Girls.' Anyways, Holland & I chat on our off days & we love an occasional margarita after a crazy 12 hour shift at work! She is back in school part time to become a Nurse Practitioner & is doing amazing with that! With all that being said, the past 11 days have taught me so much about faith, preserverance, hope, patience, humility, friendship & God's plans.

   Two weekends ago, Holland & her husband, Nic, went to Atlanta to a Braves game and Hunter & I were in Pine Hill for Collins' 2nd birthday party. Needless to say, Holland & I didn't talk all weekend. On Monday, May 5th, I was at work & it was crazy busy, as usual. When I got around to checking my phone, I saw that I had 2 texts from Haley, Holland's sister. The first one said, 'Hey Tara it's Haley. Have you talked to Holland recently??' And the second text 2 minutes later said, 'Call me when you can.' I automatically knew something wasn't right so I called Haley from our break room. She told me that Holland had been having headaches so she went to the ER & they did an MRI...I knew what was coming...and that they found a mass on her brain. She was being transferred to UAB. My heart hit the floor & I wanted to vomit. All I could say was 'No.......' Haley was obviously upset & said 'Tara, what could it be???' I work in the ICU...of course I thought the worst. I immediately started praying when I hung up the phone. It felt like I had been gut punched & I can't even imagine how Holland & her family felt. From that very morning, Haley said, 'We serve a God that made the blind see. This is not too big for Him!' What strength that took....her baby sister had a mass on her brain & was facing the unknown, yet she put aside the questions of 'why?' and surrendered it straight to God from the very beginning. I want to be a woman of that kind of conviction! The next 24 hours were filled with CT scans to determine what the mass was....a tumor, vessel abnormality, infection/abscess or an abnormal normality (whatever that could be). My heart ached for Holland. Why do bad things happen to good people? I humbly prayed & prayed & prayed, just like everybody else that knows Holland did. Andrea (another girl we work with) & I went to UAB to visit Holland the next day. She seemed to be in good spirits but still had a pounding headache. We laughed & talked about everything, trying to avoid talking about the elephant in the room. Let me say this- Holland has an amazing THE BEST support group. Her room was filled with both her family & Nic's family and tons of snacks, flowers & cards. She is so loved! That night before we left, Dr. Okor, the neurosurgeon that we all grew to LOVE, came in & said that they narrowed it down to a tumor or an infection/abscess. There were talks of a biopsy but he just didn't feel comfortable doing that since he wasn't 100% sure that it was a tumor. As hard as it was being on the 'other side' in a hospital, I respected Dr. Okor for not jumping the gun when he really didn't know what he was dealing with. On Wednesday, they decided to let Holland go home with steroids, pain medicine & nausea medicine & planned to see her again in 3 weeks for a follow up MRI. 3 weeks....that would have been a LONG 3 weeks! The next day, Holland texted me & said Dr. Okor moved her follow up appointment up 2 weeks. Great, right?? That's 2 weeks of gut-wrenching nervousness that we won't have to endure! Wrong...I was a nervous wreck that he knew something that we didn't & 3 weeks was too long to wait. So...for the next few days, I turned into my mother...calling/texting Holland at all hours to check on her. On Friday she sent me a text that pretty much broke my heart....she said she felt like she was dying & she had no energy to do anything- she felt invalid. People joke all the time that they 'feel like death' or that they are 'dying' after too much to drink the night before, but this was a way different situation. What if she did have a malignant brain tumor & she was dying? I never said that to her but I was so, so afraid. That weekend, Hunter & I went to Atlanta to a Braves game with Ashlee & Matthew. We had a good time & sent Holland funny snapchats all weekend to cheer her up, per her request. Sunday morning when we woke up, I had a text from Haley that said Holland was throwing up again & really sick. They were rushing her back to UAB & there was more swelling on her brain. A million things were running through my head...why Holland? She doesn't deserve this. Is it a rapid growing tumor? How in the world did this  happen so fast? Once again, Haley, being the amazing person that she is, said, 'They are going to fix this with The Lord's help. What a testimony she will have for His kingdom!' Talk about faith, perseverance, humility & hope! That girl has it! Her heart rate started to drop & she was maxed out on pain meds but still in agonizing pain so they moved her to the neuro ICU. Her MRI that afternoon showed increased swelling, increased size in the mass, her front 2 ventricles had collapsed & she had a midline shift...WHAT?? If you work in the medical field, your jaw probably just dropped. If you don't know what that is, then let me tell you that it is BAD. It was an absolute blessing that she got to the hospital when she did because we could have easily lost her that day. That night, they did emergency surgery. When they got in, they found a brain abscess behind her right eye & drained 60cc of fluid. Holland said that when she got into the operating room, she heard Dr. Okor tell the nurses to only shave a tiny area of her head. THAT, along with the fact that he came into the hospital on his day off to do her surgery because he said that she was 'his patient,' is another reason why we loved him...he didn't make Holland feel like she was just another patient & he knew losing her hair was a big deal to her & it meant a lot to her that he cared about that. She spent that night in the ICU & I was up there the very next morning. When I walked in, I hugged her, she gave me a kiss on the cheek & held my hand....a 2 year friendship that felt like it had lasted a lifetime. She talked & laughed & told stories of the shenanigans that took place while she was coming off of the anesthesia after the surgery...WOAH...her poor nurses! It was SO good to hear her laugh & her be headache- free! The next day she moved to the step-down unit & she got to come home on Wednesday with IV antibiotics.

   What an AMAZING God we serve!! Haley was right...this wasn't too big for Him. After surgery, Dr. Okor told Holland that it's not about WHEN you finish the race, it's just about finishing it. This wasn't in Holland's plan, it wasn't in her family's plan...it was God's plan & he has already used it for His kingdom. Lives have been rededicated to Christ through Holland's story & I know numerous other lives have been touched. So many people have grown closer to Him through this, including myself.  Please continue to pray for Holland as she has big decisions to make about work & school and continue to pray for her family who hasn't left her side! Today I'm thankful for my sweet friend, her health & what she means to me!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, according to his purpose.                                                                                                            Romans 8:28