Heavy Hearted

   Well, here it is. It's the week I've dreaded all year. The anniversary of Mamaw gaining her angel wings. It still doesn't feel real & I still want to call her all the time. Some days are better than others. Some days I smile when I think of her because I know she's proud of me. She's the reason I'm a nurse & I told her that numerous times. All of her ailments always intrigued me! Some days I cry when I think of her because I wish she was here to see everything that she's missing...like Bailee's first year of high school. I'm sure she's keeping up with us...we all got our nosiness from her!!! She loved to sit in Mama's kitchen when we were all there & just listen. This was how she ALWAYS sat...with one leg bent back, one straight & her arms crossed or hands clasped together. Bailee & I have mastered this look!!

                                      

   Just like most people (I think), there were things that I said & did that I wish I could take back now. I wish I hadn't pushed 'ignore' when Mamaw called me & I was busy. Although I saw her every time I went to Mama's, now that she's gone, I don't think that wasn't enough. I wish I hadn't gotten so short with her when she asked question, after question, after question, after question!!! But, I can't beat myself up about it now. What's done is done & I know she loved all of us regardless!!! She loved us so much. She taxied me, Kristina, James, Brett & Bailee around more than once. Ballet, cheer, baseball, football...she was our personal chauffer to all of our practices, until our parents got home from work. She wasn't a typical grandmother in some ways (she was a character!!), but if we needed anything & she had the means, she gave it to us.

    I stayed with her during the day before I started kindergarten. She made me scrambled eggs in the microwave (sounds gross but they were so yummy!) & we watched 'The Price is Right' every morning at 10:00. I guess that's where I get my game show obsession from?? Every now & then we would walk downtown to Peachtree Bank & put some quarters in my savings account....but we had to be back to her house in time for 'Days of Our Lives'! This is SO gross, but I use to beg her to take out her dentures & let me brush them?!?!? Whyyyyyyyyyyy did I do that????

   Mamaw was an emotional little thing! She cried about everything! My Mama does, too...and so do I! Mamaw wasn't afraid to tell you what was on her mind, either! For example, I had been in Troy a couple years & the fast food that I had been eating had caught up with me. I tried on my Easter dress for Mamaw & instead of telling me how pretty I looked, she said, 'Well you haven't missed a meal have you?!?!.' She was a MESS! If you did something to one of her kids or grand kids & she made up her mind that she didn't like you, that was IT! You could not get back in her good graces! She drove a green stick shift pick-up truck. My cousins & I named it 'The Green Turtle' and you could hear it coming from a mile away! I don't know if it was missing a muffler or what? It was loud! She could never get our names right. If she was looking at me but called me Kristina or Bailee, I just did what she said because I knew what she meant. Sharon, Sheila & Shelene...all those 'S' names got her every time! She LOVED Alabama football & reminded me of it every time Alabama won, especially the Iron Bowl. She always yelled, 'Touchdown Alabamaaaaaa!' & threw her hand in the air. She was tickled to death when she got this Alabama bedspread for Christmas a couple years ago...

                                        

   Mamaw was a great Mamaw & I assume she was a good parent, too! Look at her kids!! She & Dadene raised a group of tough, strong willed, bossy, head-strong kids. Dadene was the absolute love of her life. Her parents owned the cafe in Maplesville, where she worked while she was still in high school. Dadene was from FL & somehow made his way through Maplesville. He stopped at her parents' cafe to buy cigarettes & the rest was history! Her parents didn't like him because he was 10 years older than Mamaw & he already had a child. She graduated in May of 1953, turned 18 October 6, 1953 & they ran off to FL to elope on October 13, 1953 (also mine & Hunter's anniversary). She told me her parents were furious when they found out, but they eventually got over it. She loved Dadene to death, and vice versa. I mean, he even clipped her toenails for her! When he was at UAB for 4 months before he died, she didn't leave him to go home not one time! After he died, she always told me that if she got sick, not to drag it out, just let her 'go be with Jim.' That is what we did. 

                                      

                                      

         

   

   Mama, Sheen, Aunt Sheila & Uncle Mal are going to Maryland this weekend to see Dadene's only living sister, Aunt Mary, for the first time in years. I'm jealous! Mamaw would have loved to have gone. Tomorrow, August 27, is a year ago that she had her stroke & Friday, August 30, is the year anniversary of her passing. Since Mama & the rest of the family will be gone, I picked up an extra shift at work on Friday so I won't sit at home & dwell on it all day. As easy as it is to cry about how much we miss her & what all she'll miss in our lives, I'm going to try to smile this weekend...I know she's smiling now.

         

                                  

                                   

         

         

         

          

                                          

          

          

                         

                                         

                            

"And God shall wipe all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain...' -Rev. 21:4

  

  

  

   

     

    

    

     

     

      

How Generous is God...

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   This weekend I got to attend the wedding of one of my very best friends from my pledge class. Casey & Riley started dating our Freshman year at Troy & now, 6 years later, they're married!!

   As Meradith (another one of my besties from my pledge class) & I were making plans to go to Dothan for the wedding, I got to thinking about how blessed I am to be a part of such an amazing organization, Alpha Gamma Delta, that led me to all of these great girls! However, I never planned on being a 'sorority girl'.....

     Growing up, I had only a few close girlfriends. Mainly because girls are MEAN. We all know that! Hateful, conniving & spiteful. How mean were they? I got dead roses around my car on my 16th birthday! I will admit though, I've been that mean, hateful, conniving, spiteful girl, too! Needless to say, when I got that 'Go Greek' pamphlet in the mail the summer before I moved to Troy, I was not impressed at all. There was no way I was going to be a sorority girl. That was WAY out of my league. The only thing I knew about sororities is what I had seen on TV shows & movies...the girls were rich, their Daddies payed for everything, they wore the best clothes, they were preppy, drove convertibles...they were everything I was not. I played softball, drove an old Honda, I loved wearing old jeans & t-shirts & deer hunted like it was nobody's business. I often got to school late during deer season because I'd hunt with my Daddy in the mornings. I was NOT going to fit in with those girls! And I mean, who wants to 'pay' for their friends anyways?

The deadline had come & gone to sign up for RUSH when Mama mentioned that I should try it. Ummmmm no. She said that even if I didn't join a sorority, the experience would be good for me & I'd meet new friends along the way. The only other person I knew in Troy was Shea, my roommate, and she was an Alpha Gam. So, unless I was going to sit home alone all the time, I thought I had better go make some friends! I swallowed my pride & signed up for rush. 

If you've never gone through rush, let me tell you it's kind of intimidating. Troy has 5 sororities & we spent 4 days going through each house & talking to girls from all the sororities. From the first day, Alpha Gam was my favorite. Their house felt like home (ironically, one of their songs during rush was 'Feels Like Home') & the girls were so 'normal'. I told one of the other sororities that I wanted to be an Alpha Gam. Was I not supposed to say that? Oops!!!!! On Bid Day, I opened my card & had an invitation to be a member of the Alpha Gams....I was so excited! Crazy how things can change in the blink of an eye, huh? 

Over the next 4 years, I made some of the absolute best friends that I could have ever asked for. They weren't anything like the girls I had seen on TV, they were just like me, in some aspects...not many of them hunted, some of them did come from a lot of money & Meradith did, in fact, appear preppy with her sweater tied around her shoulders!! I spent almost every single one of my Troy days with one or more of my sorority sisters. From swaps to chapter meetings to peprallies to those LONG days leading up to Homecoming week to study hall, we were always together. We did our homework together... I remember studying for an anatomy test while Casey made a little blue hand puppet & made a song with a bugle call, or something of that nature. I thought seriously about changing my nursing major to elementary education!!! We cooked dinner together, we drove each other to class to avoid searching for HOURS for a parking spot & we were brutally honest with each other. We were there for each other during first dates & break ups. We each shared a love/hate for those LONG nights during Spirit Week. We would go to each others parents' houses for the weekends & meet their families & see where they grew up. Some if them joked that they needed their passport to go to Maplesville for the Friday night football games! 

Had I known what a blessing these girls were going to be to my life, I wouldn't have been so apprehensive about going through RUSH. Look at what I would have missed out on! The girls that I met through Alpha Gam were the same girls that I called the night Hunter proposed & they were the girls that came to my wedding. My Daddy & I spent one of my summer days at the Alpha Gam house building new wooden letters for the front of the house. I still giggle when I see squirrel statues or stuffed animals (the squirrel is Alpha Gam's mascot) & anything red, buff & green (Alpha Gam's colors) makes my heart smile. My membership pen was on my bouquet the day I got married... 

Goodness, how generous is God?!?!?

How generous is God that he has given me these few

and special women who are the true friends of my

heart.

How he must love me that He has let us find each

other upon this crowded earth.

We are drawn together as if by some mystical force.

We recognize each other at once.

There is no blood relations between us, no common

family history-- yet there are no barriers of age or

even background

Older, younger, richer, poorer--no matter.

We have come together in this special moment of time, 

and the sense of unity which we feel will last 

throughout eternity.

How generous is God that He has given me so many

women who add flavor, variety, delight.

My life would be the poorer without them

Yet surely this is The Lord's true concern for us--His

Children-- that He may lead us to those rare and 

special friends.

The sisters who call out to us from the crowds--who

hold fast through trial, triumph, and long separations.

The sisters with whom one's heart feels joyfully

at home.

Bid Day 2006